Steve Nakamoto is an author who has written several books about relationships. The most well-known one being, Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man. As I was looking for a book on Amazon, through a series of clicks on different subjects, I got to another of his books and then to his blog. Low and behold, what was the lastest post entitled?
WHY DO MEN LIE TO WOMEN???
You could have knocked me over with a feather. So, since I like to share little pieces of knowledge, I'm going to pass this along. It's quite interesting, and I think it makes A LOT of sense once you think about it... and I'm on Lortab feeling a little "floaty". haha
9:22 AM PDT, April 20, 2009, updated at 4:34 PM PDT, June 3, 2009
I read a lot of stories from disgruntled women on my Ask Mr. Answer Man message board about men who lie and destroy the trust in their relationships. I don t defend men for behavior that is detrimental to building honesty and love. But I do think that it is useful to give women some perspectives on how they can understand men better.
The following reasons are why men choose to lie instead of telling the truth to women. My hope is that you will come to understand men better and lay down the groundwork for a more honest and trustworthy love relationship in the future.
1. SOME MEN DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH LYING:
This means that some guys are just liars and that s what they do best. Evidently, these men don t see how a lack of trust will undermine any love relationship. But since they ve never examined the issue, they will continue to lie because it has helped them achieve their short-term objectives in the past.
2. WHAT THEY LIE ABOUT IS NOT IMPORTANT:
Sometimes, a guy will slip and say something that isn t totally true because it is not very important to them. If the thing they are lying about is of little consequence to them, then what s the big deal? It s part of the freedom of doing and saying whatever they want, whenever they want.
3. SHE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND AND WOULD MOST LIKELY MAKE IT WORSE:
This is probably the biggest reason why men lie. By telling the truth, their fear is that the woman will evaluate solely from her point-of-view and not consider his side of the story. Rather than deal with this situation, a guy will often tell what he sees as a little white lie in order to avoid setting off a chain-reaction of other unwanted emotions in the woman. However, this also becomes a convenient excuse for men that justifies their negative actions and minimizes the wrong of lying.
4. SHE REALLY CAN'T HANDLE IF HE TELLS HER THE TRUTH:
Along the same lines, the man may have a conviction that the woman cannot manage her upsets. If he lives with that woman, then it makes life at home totally miserable. If the relationship is already unstable, this added upset may lead to complete chaos.
5. IT'S BETTER TO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL:
A lot of men see that lying by omission is a less offensive way of avoiding the truth. If the subject is not brought up at all or stonewalled immediately, then maybe the issue will go away or be dealt with when the reference is outdated and emotions have simmered down.
6. MEN WILL LIE NOW AND HOPE THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE LATER:
Lying is often a short-term solution to avoiding confrontation. Some men feel that a little bit of lying now will avoid that confrontation and that maybe things will change in the future and this will all become a non-issue to the woman. In addition, lying is a selfish way to protecting the liar without considering the other person s best interests.
7. SOME GUYS LIE BECAUSE THE TRUTH ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH:
In the effort to impress a woman and show a proud front, a man will often exaggerate, distort, or delete certain truths. That s because the truth about them may not be good enough in the man s opinion to hold the attention/affection of the woman in a competitive dating world. Once this pattern is established, a man may continue until his lies are discovered.
Lying destroys trust in a relationship. And a lack of trust can ruin even the most promising love affairs. The best you can do is make trust the higher priority and demonstrate that honesty and caring can go together when both men and women approach their challenges with emotional maturity.
I really hope I will feel up to making a reply post about all of this tomorrow, because if there's one thing I CANNOT stand, it's lying. As Nakamoto says here, "Lying destroys trust in a relationship," and I just don't see ANY need for it at all. Everything listed here is an excuse, and it's nothing but weakness and a bit cowardous, if you ask me. Besides all of that, lies hurt, and really... Do you want to hurt the person you love? Or, the one you care about? It just isn't acceptable behavior.
With that, I bid you all ado!!