Merry Christmas

I had the best Christmas, ever!!! I hope everyone else did, as well.

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted anything. It's been pretty chaotic around here. I've been trying to get some things done, and as usual, another health issue came up just when things started to calm down. I "think" it's under control again, but we'll have to wait and see. Either way, it was still a great holiday, as was Thanksgiving.

Blessings to all!!!

QOTD

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.

By Henry Ford http://www.iwise.com/5QGmR

The Clock

One of my sisters sent this to me in an email, and I think it couldn't be closer to the truth.


The Clock



God doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

NOW, YOU'RE ON THE CLOCK!!!!

IN 9 MINUTES SOMETHING WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY,

BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL 9 SISTERS YOU LOVE THEM INCLUDING ME.. GO!!!!

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.....

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in…They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.


**Please pass this along to all your women friends and relatives to remind them just how amazing they are.

Jon & Kate Plus 8

As those of you who are really close to me know, “Jon  & Kate Plus 8” is one of my favorite shows.  Those kids are too cute!!!  As of late, I’ve started following a blog called “Jon & Kate Plus 8 Gosselin Fan Site”.  It is an EXCELLENT site for everything J&KP8, and for the most part, it’s positive.  A lot of the people who post there aren’t the biggest Jon fans, but who is these day, right?  The thing I like about it the most, though, is the amount of respect everyone has for each other & the way BabyMama (site owner, webmistress, Blogger, administrator, whatever you want to call her) runs the site, as well as the way she monitors the comments.  Unlike one of the hate sites out there that has a laundry list of rules about what you are allowed to post, which completely contradicts what they do to Jon & Kate, BabyMama “performs” her role as “comment monitor”, if you will, better than on any other site I’ve ever seen.  The hate site also has a rule #2 states, “Do not be rude to other posters or call them names,” yet there are MANY “members” of that site who constantly harass the people who post on “Jon & Kate Plus 8 Gosselin Fan Site”.  But, I digress… as usual.

Since I couldn’t sleep (still awake from Tuesday), I decided to take a look at the latest comments on “Jon & Kate Plus 8 Gosselin Fan Site”.  When I did, I saw a comment by BabyMama that read as follows:

I have to say, there was many a mention on the hate sites about Kate saying "Kate Minus Jon" at The Ronald McDonald House and she made a few comments throughout the show about his behavior..Ohh please Jon WAS never there anymore except when he had to be, and they were going though a painful separation. GET OVER IT! The big stink everyone made a few months ago aboutthe kids not wanting to film..they wanted to go into the pool that day..big deal..ugh people make a big deal over nothing.

Once I read that, it got me thinking, and I had to post.  What you will read next is exactly what I posted.  It includes when I just included, but I feel it’s necessary to include so not to interfere with the fluidity of the post.  Besides, between being tired & all the allergens in the air, my eyes are burning like someone struck a match and set them on fire.  No bueno!!!

 

Baby Mama said:

I have to say, there was many a mention on the hate sites about Kate saying "Kate Minus Jon" at The Ronald McDonald House and she made a few comments throughout the show about his behavior..Ohh please Jon WAS never there anymore except when he had to be, and they were going though a painful separation. GET OVER IT! The big stink everyone made a few months ago aboutthe kids not wanting to film..they wanted to go into the pool that day..big deal..ugh people make a big deal over nothing..
**************************************************************

“GET OVER IT” is the understatement of the year!!!

As I’ve said before, I’m not big on passing judgment on people, especially those I don’t know, and one thing I try really hard to do is see things from other people’s point of view in order to understand where they’re coming from, BUT there comes a time when ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!  I’ve read a lot of the stuff these people post on one of these hate sites, and it blows minds mind.  What’s worse is that there’s very few things in this world that surprise me anymore.  Yet, if I want to be surprised by human behavior I know exactly where to go.

As someone who has gone through divorce within the last year, I can totally relate to Kate saying, “Minus Jon,” and all of the other off-hand comments she’s made.  MANY people deal with pain by using humor and making jokes  In her mind, I’m sure, that’s how she sees what she’s doing.  I did, and do, the same things, and we had no children, nor has our life & divorce been played out in front of the entire world.  It has someone been “played out” in the world of Olympic Speedskating, but that’s a totally different story all together, and no where even close to the number of people Kate has to deal with.  But I’ll tell you, the comments about her saying, “Minus Jon,” and the like are not what bother me the most.

A week ago I logged on one of those sites to see what they had to say about Kate’s interview with Natalie Morales.  At the time they didn’t have a recap, which I found rather odd, and even thought, “Was it good enough that they have to think hard to tear it apart & that’s what there isn’t a recap,” but then I remember who I was “dealing with“, and I kept reading.  I came up an entry titled “Lies Kate Has Told - Jon Also Lies” which then said, “We were asked last week to put up a thread to list all their lies and con games. This seems a good time.”  Again, I thought it would have legitimate entries.  WRONG!!!!  I honestly couldn’t believe what I was reading.  It was absolutely ridiculous.  Actually, I don’t think there’s a word to explain how absurd it was.  The ones I found to be the most ludicrous were:

1. "I am not a quitter."
(Except for my marriage, my parents, most of my siblings, our dogs, old friends, neighbors....)

- Hello!!!!  So, if your husband cheats on you, your friends stab you in the back/sell you out, your family does the same, are you just supposed to say, “OK” and keep them in your life???  As long as you try, you aren’t a quitter.

2. "Real cooks don't follow recipes"...cut to the episode where she's making Monkey Munch and yes, she's following a recipe.

- First of all, isn’t it possible Kate wrote HER recipe down on a piece of paper???  And secondly, if she did use someone else’s recipe, ONCE, that hardly makes her liar.

3. (all of these came from the same delusional person)
   “My kids don't work.”
   “I work hard.”
   “Everything I do is for my kids.”
   "This is your house and come hell or high water we will always live here"

- I’m not exactly sure how any of these qualify as lies.  I can see how there may be an argument about the first one, even though I don’t agree with it, but the other three???

   “I love Jon, I always will.”

- This one is the worst in my opinion.  She obviously doesn’t live in the real world and know that, unfortunately, love isn’t always enough.  I mean… It’s insane to even question this, much less call it a lie.

   "this means daddy and mommy are going to be married forever"

- You know when they said this they meant it. 

   "I can't/don't sleep at night.  I wake up every morning"

- Good Lord!!!  Talk about picking someone words apart & then tearing them apart.  Any REASONABLE person knew exactly what she meant… She sleeps POORLY, and it feels like she hasn’t slept.  Give me a break!!!!  How would YOU like to have every word you say picked apart?  Don’t say, “You aren’t a reality star,” because now you’re put yourself out on the World Wide Web for EVERYONE to see, and that opens you up for criticism, too.  You may have the admins on that site to protect you from people posting there (total hypocrisy), but not on other blogs.  If you can dish it out, you better be able to take it!!!

   “this Christmas we are getting not one but two dogs" (but I get to pick them out, name           them, ignore them and send them back)

- Finally, I don’t know how she figures this one to be a lie, either.  They did get two dogs for Christmas… and yes, Jon & Kate picked them out & named them.  I, personally, don’t think that’s such a terrible thing.  Can you imagine trying to get 8 kids to agree on 2 dogs & 2 names?  As for ignoring them, how does this woman know that’s what was going on?  That’s total speculation, and I think it was actually responsible for them to give the dogs back to the breeder instead of leaving them at the house where they weren’t being given the best care possible. 
Do these people even know what the definition of a lie is?  Well, let me inform them, because we know they read this site.

WEBSTER defines a lie as 1 : to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2 : to create a false or misleading impression

In all the years I’ve been online, I’ve run across several of these kinds of hate sites, and each time, the same 2 questions immediately pop into my mind… “Do these people have a life?” and “Do they have so much self-hatred that they have to bash others to make themselves feel better?”  I mean, really…  I know I’ve taken a long time with this post, but this is a first for me.  I can’t sleep, and when I saw BabyMama’s post about the hate site, it got me thinking. 

We live in a world where many, many, many horrible things happen every day.  We’re at war in TWO countries.  Less that two weeks ago we have the largest shooting on a domestic military base.  Our fellow Americans who were once successful professionally don’t have roofs over their heads and can’t put food in their children’s mouths.  People who were once able to get jobs easily, can’t even get an interview.  People we all know are dying everyday.  Children are being abused, and I mean TERRIBLY abused, and KILLED everyday, and these people, along with the media have decided to pick this family apart at the seams.  I think back to this past Spring when Jon said, “Our soldiers are dying for our country, and people care what I had for lunch,” or something to that affect while describing how ridiculous the paparazzi was, and as much as people may not like him, I believe that was the best assessment of this entire situation.  I realize we, Americans, have this fascination with celebrity scandals, but to be so mean about it is beyond my comprehension.  I don’t have enough time to get the thing I need to get done each day, so it’s I don’t understand how people can spend so much time on something so incredibly mean and negative.***  Can you imagine if they took all the time they’ve wasted on being ugly and nasty about Gosselin family and used toward goods things how much better the world would be???  And not only for those they’d be helping… for themselves, as well!!!

And that concludes today’s soapbox by Malach!!!

***As someone who has a lot of psychology knowledge I understand that it doesn’t necessarily have to make sense.  It’s my reasonable side that has the problem understanding these actions.

The following two paragraphs were also taken from a post I made on the blog, and explain how I feel and see Jon.

Let me also go on the record and say that I don't think Jon is a bad guy when it comes down to who he honestly & truly is. I absolutely agree that he has made many, many, many poor choices and bad decisions, but that doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. He's a human being, and that happens. Do I think I would make the same decisions? Probably not, but I'm not in his shoes, and there's no telling what is going on in his mind right now. Men and women are different, and most, if not all, of the people who post here are women, so it's hard to see Jon's side. Men react very differently than women, and A LOT of the time, especially when they are not "socially mature", running away is there solution to the problem.

When I look at Jon, I see a guy who's mind & life is complete chaos, and he doesn't know where to go, what to do, who to trust (including himself) & it's spiraled out of control to the point that he is completely... lost, I guess is the best word. It's like he's on a merry-go-round that won't stop, and people keep throwing rocks at him. He can't protect himself, and he can't get off the ride, either.

Climbing a Big Mountain

Since the past few years have been pretty… uhhhhh,… Well, crappy to put it mildly, I’ve decided to set a huge goal for myself, and “climb a mountain.”  Well, a theoretical mountain, anyway!!!  My mountain is going to be to run a marathon… The 2010 Rock n Roll San Antonio Marathon. 

Tomorrow the 2009 Rock n Roll San Antonio Marathon is being run, and I figure a year is enough time for me to prepare, especially since I haven’t done much of anything for almost 2 1/2 years.  I found a great 26 week program for people who are starting out from absolute scratch at MarathonRookie.com, and I will start it the week after Thanksgiving.  I’m actually going to start walking this week, but because I’ll be driving to Houston and back on Monday and doing some other travelling during the week of Thanksgiving, I think it’s better to start the actual “by the book” training afterwards.

I’m also going to try to start a group for those of us who are completely out of shape & want to do something to get ourselves in better health.  I believe that it will help keep us motivated & accountable.  I can’t imagine that it could hurt.  I’ll definitely keep this blog updated, and I may even add some pics.

I’m Back, Part II

 

As I stated in my earlier post, A LOT has happened, and I can’t begin to say how great it feels. 

First of all, I am feeling a TON better, and the pain is very much under control.  There are still times that I will feel it, but the new combination of medications is working really, really well.  I did, however, run out of the one extended release medication last week, and I didn’t have it for 3 days.  That left me in excruciating pain for the days I didn’t have it, but I’m all good now.  I had NO CLUE how much that one medication did until I woke up Wednesday morning in so much pain that I couldn’t roll over without breathing like I was in labor & convincing myself that I could do it.  THANK GOD FOR DOCTORS & PAIN MEDICATION!!!

Since the pain has been under control for quite awhile, I have been able to take two short trips.  A month ago my parents & I went to Dallas to see my brother & his wife for a special occasion.  I did pretty well, except for first night, but I think that had a lot to do with my dad’s driving.  My stomach & “guts” were tied in knots from Austin to Dallas, because we were almost in an accident that resulted in me waking up as I was being thrown into the floorboard of the backseat from my dad slamming on the breaks.  In addition to that, my dad has no ability to softly step on the breaks or ease into a stop.  He’s either driving, or “hitting” the breaks.  There’s no in between.  Riding while he’s driving is akin to what I would imagine being inside a washing machine would feel like.  It’s no wonder I always got car sick on our summer vacations. :)

I was also able to see one of my best friends, Katye, and her daughter for their birthdays last weekend.  I went to Corpus Christi on Thursday, Oct 29 (Victoria’s birthday), and stayed until Tuesday, Nov 3.  Katye’s birthday is on Halloween, and we went to a nice party at her in-laws.  Actually, it was a blast considering I haven’t done much, if anything, social in the past 9 months, and it would have been mine & Shay’s 2 year anniversary.  As long as it’s been, it’s still incredibly painful, because of all the unanswered questions.  I was quite proud of myself that it didn’t even occur to me until after 4pm when I was taking my second shower of the day in order to get ready for the party.

Another thing I’ve done is change my hair.  I went dark for the winter, and I LOVE IT!!!  I was also able to get it cut when I was in Corpus, and I’m really happy with it, as well.  I went back to the same cut I got a week after my gallbladder removal, and although I wasn’t really happy with the lady who cut it, I like it.  The ONLY thing she ever said to me was when giving me directions on how to move my head.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve never had that happen.  If anything, I often find myself thinking, “When is this person going to shut up?”  But, in the end, I wasn’t paying for someone to talk to, was I?

There are also some new business options I’ve been approached about.  They’re all very exciting, but I just need to decide which one is right for me, and just go for it.  I’m going insane with no work & being cooped up in this house for 9 months.  It’s time for me to start exercising my brain & making money.

I think I’ve covered everything that’s happened, but if I think of more, I’ll add it.  I’ll also post the Halloween photos of the haunted house Tisha & Ron set up in their garage. 

Tjuus!!!

Tragedy in Ft Hood

 

My last post said I’d be right back after going to the bank, but that obviously didn’t happen.  Unfortunately, I found out about the shootings in Ft Hood at that time, and I was glued to CNN for two days.

I wish I could put into words my feelings about it, because I have so many, and they go “deeper” than the actual shootings.  I believe the media has been extremely irresponsible, and jumped to too many conclusions before knowing the facts, which is extremely angering to me.  For now, though, I will keep my thoughts and prayers focused on everyone who has been impacted by this terrible event.

QOTD

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
~ William Arthur Ward

I'm Back!!!!

WOW!!! What a loooooooong break. Being without a desktop AND laptop for 3 weeks is not something I suggest to anyone. Relying on your Blackberry just doesn't cut it!!!

So much has happened. I don't even know where to begin...

I guess I should start with speed skating. Tomorrow is the first long track world cup of the season, and as I was searching to catch up on who made the US team, etc, I stumbled upon an article about a new "sponsor"... The Colbert Nation!!! To say I love Stephen Colbert is an understatement, so when I saw this it was like... like... like Christmas!!! You can check out the article, and the official announcement in the article, 'The Colbert Report' becomes main sponsor of U.S. Speedskating. If you would like to support the team, feel free to through US Speedskating, or through The Colbert Nation.

What else has happened... that I can share, at least? Oh, my hotmail address that was closed due to fraudulent claims of harassment was opened again. Talk about a nightmare. At first I didn't know what was happening, because I couldn't login through my phone. When I was finally able to get online, I got the message that it was "closed due to breaking the terms of use". Ummmmm, yah... whatever!!! Then, after that, it was one email a day, every other day, and not on weekends, trying to get things straightened out. It's a good thing I have a photographic memory & can remember people's email addresses, or I don't think I would have been able to have it reopened. They ask you crazy questions that you would never know if you didn't have such "talents/abilities". If something like that ever happened to one of my parents, I can guarantee you, they'd never be able to get the email back, but I suppose it's a great thing they don't use free emails. Well, and my dad doesn't use ANY email.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I have to run to the bank!!! I'll be back!!!

QOTD

The purpose of life . . . is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

QOTD

I got this quote yesterday on my way back from Dallas. It is one of my favorites of all time, and I wish more people would HONESTLY embrace it.


After all, there is but one race -- humanity.
~ George Moore

Craziness!!!

The past few days have been nuts around here. I don't know where to begin, nor do I have the time. At this point I'm doing well to keep one eye half way open. So, before I fall asleep with my phone in my hand, I'll post this great quote I found a couple of months ago & shared with Niza. Ironically, she told me she really believed that, just like she "doesn't believe in burning bridges." I guess my super powers were acting up again & I didn't even know it. I really ought to see a doctor about that, eh? Oh well! Their loss, eh?

"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other."
~ Audrey Hepburn

Eye Opener!!!

Originally, I had something else posted here, but after receiving a couple of emails, I decided it wasn't fair to leave it up, especially because it was written more out of emotion than anything else. I still believe this quote holds true, but I'd rather just leave it "up in the air" & allow people to interpret things for themselves.


It is part of human nature to hate the man you have hurt.
~ Tacitus

QOTD

Considering the craziness of the past couple of weeks, and the INSANE debates I've had on Facebook with my beloved old friends; and when I say old, I mean, from back in kindergarten; I have a quote from the current President of the United States, Barack Obama.


I have been a consistent and strong opponent of this war. I have also tried to act responsibly in that opposition to ensure that, having made the decision to go into Iraq, we provide our troops, who perform valiantly, the support they need to complete their mission. I have also stated publicly that I think we have both strategic interests and humanitarian responsibilities in ensuring that Iraq is as stable as possible under the circumstances. Finally, I said publicly that it is my preference not to micromanage the Commander-in-Chief in the prosecution of war. Ultimately, I do not believe that is the ideal role for Congress to play. But at a certain point, we have to draw a line. At a certain point, the American people have to have some confidence that we are not simply going down this blind alley in perpetuity. When it comes to the war in Iraq, the time for promises and assurances, for waiting and patience is over. Too many lives have been lost and too many billions have been spent for us to trust the President on another tried-and-failed policy, opposed by generals and experts, opposed by Democrats and Republicans, opposed by Americans and even the Iraqis themselves. It is time to change our policy. It is time to give Iraqis their country back, and it is time to refocus America's effort on the wider struggle against terror yet to be won.
~ Barack Obama

What message are we sending?

This is something I posted on the CBS forums for the "reality" show, Big Brother. Yes, I know it's trash, but I can't help myself. Granted, after this season, I really don't know if I can ever watch it again. So, take a look for yourself at what I had to say. The comments I received were "a mixed bag", but that's to be expected.


What Message Are We Sending???

First off I want to be upfront & say that I have supported Jeff & Jordan from the beginning. I realize this is a game I watch for entertainment purposes, as well as to 'study' sociology & psychology, and know that I have no stake in the outcome. No matter who wins or loses my life will be the same after the game as it was before. I have always felt that way about this game since Season 1. I have never really paid much attention to the message boards, if at all, although I have subscribed to the live feeds in years past & watched BBAD. This season, due to illness, has been completely different.

I still don't care, for the most part, who wins, because it won't change my life, but I am concerned about the bigger picture. I'm worried about the message this season's lack of enforcing the rules, allowance of shear & utter direspect, verbal attacks & numerous other behaviors that I've never seen on this show has sent to the viewers... specifically the youth of our country/world. As it is, there's a huge mentality among the youth of America that believes, "as long as I don't get caught, it's not wrong," instead of having boundaries, a conscience & morals that tell them something is wrong, instead of it being wrong regardless of whether you get caught, or not. I used to watch this show with my 15 y/o God daughter, and was a bit "upset" that she chose not to watch it this year so she could hang out with her friends. Darn those, teenagers!!! But, to be honest, I am glad she decided I was no longer as cool as her friends, because I would hate to have to explain to her WHY a network like CBS allows players like Natalie, Chima, Lydia & Kevin to break rules continuously with no consequences, why Jesse & Natalie pray before their meals, Jeff & Russell speak about their religion while every single member of that house drops the F bomb in almost every other sentence. I'm no prude, and I've been known to use that word, myself, BUT it's not something I say just "because I can", and I would certainly hope I would be mature enough to realize I was being watched 24 hours a day & control myself. I don't mean to judge the people who call themselves Christians, because I, too, am a Christian. I think what is more disconcerting is when you hear players like Lydia, Natalie, Chima & Jesse profess to be so "holy" and say things like, "We're the good ones," and watch how much they judge, name call & behave. How do you explain that to anyone who might ask how that behavior can be considered "Christian", or even moral, at best? And then we have Natalie calling Michelle the Devil and posting on her blog about how she's been able to testify to Kevin and bring him closer to God??? It really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

CBS isn't a small college network that could fall apart at any moment, and it makes me sick to my stomach that they allow these HGs to manipulate & blackmail them into giving them their way. After all, the HGs are SUPPOSED to be adults!!! And if they had to kick 4 out at a time, so be it. Bring the last 4 kicked out back in & go from there. Sometimes you have to do what's right, simply, because it's the right thing to do!!!

On the flip side, I don't know why I would think CBS would do the right thing when we just had a HUGE controversy over the President giving a speech to the youth of America about setting goals for themselves & the importance of an education. Our country has a huge portion of it's leaders & citizens who have no respect for the office of President of the US, and regardless of their political beliefs, can't get past their clouded judgement to, once again, see what is actually being said, and let it be done. And now we have this controversy of a Congressman calling the President a liar in the middle of his Address to Congress. Sure, he apologized... the next day, just to take it back and be supported by the right wing news/media/entertainers. Then, the left wing jumps in and starts a full on battle against the congressman and the entire right wing. What is wrong with our society? With this kind of mentality leading our country is it any wonder why we have "reality" shows and people in our daily lives who see no problem in lying, cheating & stealing to get ahead?

So, as the title of my post says, "What message are we sending?" Personally, I think it's a horrible message, and it's part of the reason why our country is in disaray. No one wants to accept responsibility for their actions, so they blame someone else. No one wants to work at getting ahead when they can get there by taking short cuts & screwing people over. Money, Money, Money!!! It's amazing the things some people will do for it, yet when it comes right down to it, no amount of money in the world will make you truly happy if you aren't right with yourself.

This BB house has sent the following messages: taking responsibility for your actions is not important, one should go to whatever means possible, even if it includes breaking laws/rules to get money b/c it's ok as long as you don't get caught or there are no consequences, working to get to the top isn't important & just like with money, you should do whatever it takes to get there, no matter who it hurts. And finally, ALWAYS take the easy way out, no matter what the consequence.

I don't know about anyone else, but it makes me sad to live in a world that works that way.

Off to Houston & Big Brother

I leave for Houston to see GI specialist number 3 in the morning, so I'm trying to keep nothing but positive thoughts in my head... (and the Big Brother 11 scandal). Yes, I do watch "reality tv". I have to have something remind me that my life "isn't that bad"!!!

As a fan of the show since season 1 & an avid sociology & psychology "student in life", if you will, I have been asked by many friends what I think about what has happened in the past few days. Well, I'll save the BIG POST for when I get back, because I want to make sure it's clear and concise, so I'm not to misinterpreted... at least by the fewest number of people possible.

But, what I will say is this... As an adult, Chima needs to accept responsibility for every single action she took, and every word that came out of her mouth, as does every single other house guest. I absolutely DO NOT agree with the way Russell treated A LOT of the people in the GAME! Yes, people, it is a game, but at least he accepts responsibility for his actions and words, and he has apologized. It will NEVER cease to amaze me the lengths people will go to hurt others.

I was reading the BB Forum last night, and people are actually emailing a former employer of Chima's and threatening to no longer read their website if they continue to employ her and telling them what she's done on the show. First of all, as I stated in the beginning of the sentence, she no longer works there, and hasn't since last year, so that point is mute, but what are the chances that an "entertainment" website in Hollywood wouldn't know what was happening in the Big Brother house? It is the 2nd highest ranked reality show in the US. Plus, as I've often stated before, WHAT ON EARTH WOULD POSSESS SOMEONE TO BUTT THEIR NOSE INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S BUSINESS LIKE THAT? In this instance, particularly, it is clear that Chima has done a fine job of making things pretty bad for herself.

***I can't believe I didn't post this before I left. I guess I accidentally clicked on the wrong button and only saved it. That's why it's just now showing> Oooopsie!!!

11 Years

WOW!!! Today is a day for many people I know to celebrate the day they were born, but most importantly, to me, is my nephew, Spencer. I can't believe he's 11 years old. It seems like just yesterday that he was learning to walk and make himself throw-up. A beautiful picture, isn't it? But isn't that what kids do? Anyway, here's to you, Spence...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!



And, since he's still a child, and I feel it's very important to constantly be teaching them the best of EVERYTHING, here's a WONDER quote someone just sent me. I don't know if I've actually ever heard this one before, but I definitely believe it's true.

This is the way of peace: Overcome evil with good, falsehood with truth, and hatred with love.
~ Peace Pilgrim

Update & QOTD

I haven't posted in a while, because my health has gotten MUCH worse, and I just don't have the energy. I'm afraid something that could have been cleared up with a short and simple procedure back in March has now developed into something that could possibly become life threatening, pancreatitis. HOPEFULLY, the doctor I'm going to see in Houston in a week will be able to keep that from happening, but we just can't know. I hate to speak negatively about doctors as a whole, but out of 5, I have only come across 1 that would listen to me, and from the research I've done, that seems to be a VERY COMMON occurrence with this "affliction", if you will, and that doctor can only do so much, as his specialty is pain management.

This quote doesn't have anything to do with what's going on with my health, but I got it in my email today, and I really liked it, so I thought I'd share it.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
~ Marianne Williamson

Baby Shower = Success!!!

On Saturday, my sisters, great aunt and I gave a baby shower for my youngest brother's wife, and it turned out to be a GREAT SUCCESS!!! Not to "toot" my own horn, but I did do most of the work, and I organized everything, although... had I not had my sister, D & her daughter, J, along with our great aunt, JC, we couldn't have pulled it off. Now I see why my old friend encouraged me to open a party planning business so many years ago. We'll have to wait & see on that one, because I have been in excruciating pain for the past 2 1/2 days, but I thought I might share a few photos of the amazing cake & cupcakes one of my best friends made. She just started her own business, as a fluke, and we can't stop talking about how talented she is. Not only does everything look wonderful, but it takes even better than it looks, and how often does that happen? So, take a look.



This is the entire presentation; the 3 layer cake with 3 dozen cupcakes


This is 3 of the 5 types of decorations on the cupcakes. By the time I took the individual pictures, these were the only ones left, and everything except the wrapper is edible


A baby with a blue blanket


A baby with a green blanket



A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.
~ Anonymous

QOTD

I love Twitter!!! I've written several posts about this, but have yet to post one of them. Soon, I will post my "Top Ten" Reasons for loving it, although there are many... MANY more. But, one of them is the number of quotes I get in just one day. It's amazing. Most of them are things I've heard before, or very simple, although, sometimes some of the most simple are the most profound, but every once and awhile, I see one that really means something to me, gives me goosebumps... leaves me speechless.

This first one doesn't really fall into any of the categories I explained above, but it is one of my absolute favorites. It is, however, something I strongly believe in, while I also believe that you have to learn to pick your battles. It's amazing how much you learn as you age. I've always been told, "You're very mature for your age and very wise," and hung out with women much older than myself, so I guess that's where I got it. I can also remember being 25 and telling a 40-something year old man I worked with, "I've already figured out I don't know anything, and my parents know everything." He said, "Well, my friend, you're the smartest 25 year old I've ever met." Unfortunately, it took a horrible boyfriend who took everything I owned from me, except my car, thanks to my dad disabling it, for me to learn that lesson. But, other than that, I think the other two most important lessons (for living life, at least) I've learned are that finding balance in EVERYTHING is imperative, and that "forgiveness is a gift you give yourself." (Suzanne Somers) By holding a grudge and not forgiving, the only person you're really hurting, is yourself. Sure, there are exceptions to that theory, but more often than not, if you are that angry at someone for a legitimate reason, they don't care one flying flip!!! So, let it go!!!! The best revenge is to go on and live a happy, constructive and successful life!


Never, "for the sake of peace and quiet," deny your own experience or convictions.
~ Dag Hammarskjold

A time comes when silence is betrayal.
~Martin Luther King Jr.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
~ Lewis B. Smedes

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
~ Indira Gandhi

Forgiveness begins where blame ends.
~ Leo Bucaglia

All blame is a waste/time. No matter how much fault you find with another,and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.
~ D. Dy

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
~ Plato

You have to give up all your excuses. 99% of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.
~ George W Carver


Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
~ John Wooden

Winners never quit and quitters never win.
~ Vince Lombardi

We don't have to be friends, but we don't have to be enemies.
~ Teri Willingham (my super duper good friend who ALWAYS cracks me up & can put me in a good mood NO MATTER WHAT)

This next one, I REALLY need to try to put into action, is something a friend told me several years ago. Funny guy, that Kip, eh? Oh, and much props to him & his speedskating team, SWIFT Speedskating. As I told a mutual friend a few months ago, Kip is far too talented & knows way too much about the sport to not still be involved. Good for him. I'm just a "tad" jealous (in a good way, tho) that he beat me to the punch with the first REAL US team that works like pro teams in the Netherlands. I wish he and Inge the best in EVERYTHING they do. No matter what it is, I know it will be successful!!!


Don't think, Tex. That's what I do, and it works.
~Kip Carpenter

I believe that peace will start with the children, and that if we can get the children to lose the hate we can get the world to stop hating. And with that, we can make the world a much better place.
~ Greg Smith, who entered college at age 10

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.
~ Anne Frank

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
~ Unknown

Don't let the darkness of the past cover the brightness of the future.
~ Unknown


I think that's enough for today.

Blog Things - Keys to My Heart

I TOTALLY forgot blogthings existed until I just saw this one on a friend's MySpace. I'll have to say, for a quiz that asks questions ONLY about animals, this one is 100% spot on!!! I don't know who makes these things up, but this one is muy bueno!!!

Your Heart Takes Love Seriously

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

QOTD

I am sooooooo tired. Between trying to watch the Tour de France, finish the final plans for the baby shower, get things ready for when I have surgery & just take care of my general health, I am beat!!!! In addition to that, we had a dinner party last night, and the fresh halibut my dad caught a few weeks ago in Alaska did not sit well with me. It was so tasty, but even the smallest piece was no bueno minus a gallbladder.

With that, I'll share a couple of quotes I've heard in the past couple of days that have touched me.


To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
~ Leo Buscaglia

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.
~ Beverly Sills

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.
~ Japanese proverb

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.
~ Mary Pickford


You always pass failure on the way to success.
~ Mickey Rooney

The minute you feel like giving up think of all the reasons why you held on for so long; fall seven times… stand up eight.
~ Source Unknown

We should not feel embarrassed by our difficulties, only by our failure to grow anything beautiful from them.
~ Alain de botton

And, on the flip side.....


I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.
~ Booker T. Washington

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.
~ Henry Emerson Fosdick

A Rattlesnake, if Cornered will become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is - a biting of oneself. We think we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves.
~ E. Stanley Jones

Hate cages all the good things about you.
~ Madrianne Arvore

The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.
~ Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice, 1968

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

We hate some persons because we do not know them; and will not know them because we hate them.
~ Charles Caleb Colton

You lose a lot of time, hating people.
~ Marian Anderson

And, one of my favorites, because I believe it is very true, as sad as it is....

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.
~ James Baldwin

QOTD

It's no secret that I LOVE quotes and find a ton of inspiration and meaning in them. I had another sleepless night, mainly due to the fact that I slept most of Friday, so I did a lot of reading, and I found some quotes I wanted to share. I'm pretty sure I haven't posted these, yet.

One thing that is extremely important to me is my integrity. I don't have any children of my own, but I have 25+ nieces and nephews and a God daughter who I've had a great deal to do with her raising. If there's one thing I have tried to teach all of them, it's how important integrity is.

Webster defines it as:
1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility
2 : an unimpaired condition : soundness
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : completeness
Synonyms- see honesty

To me, I'd much rather live an honest life and deal with those consequences, than be dishonest and have to deal with living with my conscience. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "He/She has to look at himself/herself in the mirror every morning and live with what they've done." That saying is talking about integrity and character, and if you ask me, those are two of the MOST IMPORTANT things for a person.


Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.
~ J.C. Watts

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but at times of challenge and controversy.
~ Martin Luther

There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.
~ French Proverb

Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough.
~ Arthur Freed

The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.
~ William Safire

Or, as my parents used to tell us growing up, "Just because you CAN, doesn't mean you SHOULD!!!"

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad.
~ Abraham Lincoln

Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence.
~ Author Unknown

I could go on and on with the quotes, but I'll leave it at this for now. I'm off to watch the Tour de France. I feel sure that I'll fall asleep now that there's something on TV I'm actually interested in. hahaha

GO LANCE!!! LIVESTRONG!!!

#10

I've been so busy planning, shopping and making everything for my sister-in-laws baby shower on the 25th that I haven't had time to post a recent update on my "illness". Since I'm awake, at a God forsaken FOUR AM, I'll give it a whirl.

I went back to G.I. #2 once I got a copy of the study from the pain management doc, which took almost a month. Don't ask me where the foul up was, but after FIVE requests and being told each time it was done, I FINALLY had to yell at someone and then get transferred to "medical records" to get it. As if I wasn't upset enough for that craziness, once I saw the G.I. he did NOTHING...AGAIN!!! He tried to be funny by saying, "Well, what are we gonna do with you," and "Why are you causing so much trouble?" but I wasn't in the mood. If I don't qualify for disability, which I can almost guarantee I won't, I will lose my medical benefits on August 31.

This doctor told me, on April 9, that he couldn't do anything for me, because he thought I pulled a muscle in the lumbar region of my back and needed to see and pain management doctor, even though I was still exhibiting classic gallbladder symptoms with pain in the FRONT, right under my rib on the right side, and in my back under my right scapula (shoulder blade), which is not near your lumbar back region, relatively speaking. Well, I did what he said, and that doctor said I needed to have an ERCP, the same test I've been asking to have since the end of February & that the nurse practitioner in G.I. #1's office said I needed. But noooooooooo, what does this guy (#2) say now? He wants me to have every test run... AGAIN, and then he wants me to see a 3rd G.I. "Are you kidding me?" was all I could think. I am in pain almost 24 hours a day, and some days I can't even get out of bed, or even sit up, because it's so excruciating. I take narcotics just to take the edge off, and now I'm developing the side effect of itching uncontrollably 2-4 times a week. And let me tell you, that ain't no fun... no way, no how!!! My mother has an itching problem from an allergy to NSAID's that has taken over 10 years to diagnose, and I don't know how she's done it. I would have gone insane by now.

I left G.I. #2's office more pissed off and frustrated than anything else, but I had my six week follow-up with Dr Miracle Worker, aka the pain doc on Tuesday. He's going to do another block on July 30, which will be surgery #10 since May 2, 2007. Again, it's only a short term solution, but right now, I have no other choice. I did, however, see my sister-in-law that's a nurse in Houston tonight, and she said she knows a great G.I. at her hospital, so I may just drive the 4 hours to have things taken care of there, since it doesn't seem like doctors in this city seem to take care of their patients in any sort of responsible way. The day of my surgery, it will be 6 months since I had the original surgery that caused all of this, and in 2009, NO ONE should have to suffer like this. Just think, I have full medical coverage, and at the time, my Cobra plan was still in effect as well as my new insurance with my job, so I even had secondary coverage. By mid April I had already met my out of pocket expenses on both of them, and I don't have to pay anything else. I'm only 36 years old. Am I the poster child for Universal Health Care, or what?

Another FB Quiz

Since I am bored and can't sleep, I've been taking some more quizzes on Facebook. The latest one is called "Who are you... really?"

So, I took the quiz, and this is what I got....

Philosopher

You constantly analyze the deeper meaning of all that occurs in your life. You are on a never-ending journey to find your purpose in life. You are able to see through the surface of situations and the facades that people often carry. You are observant and non-judgmental. Your creative and thoughtful mind enhances your chosen and natural talents. You feel deeply and passionately about everything that you do. Your life is about the pursuit of knowledge, understanding, and answers. You have a great depth to your heart and mind that some may find intimidating and others will be drawn to.

It makes A LOT of sense. I am ALWAYS over analyzing things, which isn't always a good thing. My good friend, Andrew, can attest to that, but he's far worse about it than I. Well, it's WAY past my bedtime. I'm only up this late, because I received a phone call from Israel & had to work on my sister-in-law's up coming baby shower I'm hosting. I'm so excited that I can hardly wait. Did I also mention that I strayed from BRAT diet, and I had 2 breakfast tacos this morning, and I've been paying for it with pain under my right scapula and ribs since about 1230 this afternoon???? Oh, if I could go back & do it over again.... I would keep my gallbladder. And with that, I'm off!!!

Yalla, bye!!!

GO AWAY!!!

I am being kind by not posting your name, but you know exactly who you are. Just so it's clear, the person & persons who have been harassing, libeling and slandering for the past 6 plus years who are affiliated with a specific African-American speedskater who hails from Chicago need cease and desist ANY and ALL contact with me, and any of my friends, family and former relatives. This is an OFFICIAL REQUEST before it is escalated to authorities. Enough is enough!!!

I have not had anything to do with anything speedskating, in more than 2 years, or anything having to do with you, EVER!!! You caused my marriage to fail, for me to leave speedskating, and for me to lose clients. What else do you want? I don't care about you, so why are you so interested in me, unless you are crazy? As I have said before, "Do the world a favor, and seek psychiatric help." You will be much happier.

QOTD

I know I've been slacking on my blog lately, but I've been away from home for a week with my Blackberry as my only access to the internet. Unfortunately, I can only post blogs about 15% of the time from there, so I didn't even try. It's too frustrating when I can't make it work after I have a really good post. Call it the perfectionist in me.

This week, I know I'm going to be in A LOT of pain, which equals more pain killers, which means me being A LOT more out of it, so I want to post the following quote to inspire me. If there's one thing that really, really irritates me, it's when someone simply "doesn't try", so I need to hold myself to the same standard.


It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt


**I realize this quote doesn't fit "exactly" what I was talking about, but I NEED to keep the thought "try something" in mind.

By the way, I've already taken some pain killers which may account for the "misconnect" on my thinking with the quote!!! ;)

Turning Over a New (Blog) Leaf

Since I started this blog back in March I haven't really gone in any particular direction. I've only been posting quotes I find inspiring, email & articles I really and the occasional "personal" experience. Needless to say, it's not doing much for me.

Since I've been 'stricken' with this affliction I call 'Bloggers Obstruction', I've decided to re-title my blog & get a new layout, as well as take it in a different direction. Because of what happened with my last blog with the same people who purposely set out to ruin my career & marriage, I've held back in my writing due to fear of 'being found' in my new little home in cyberspace. That approach, however, doesn't make me feel better or comfortable. In fact, it only makes me feel worse and goes against everything I believe, stand up for & have tried to teach my God-daughter.

So, from now on, I'm going to actually start posting about things that matter to me. I've had a HORRIBLE 26 months, medically, and I supposed you could say, "Six years," if you count the 'stalkers' who have been trying to make my life miserable for as many years. I am going to use this blog as a means to help myself heal, and if my story is able to help one person, as cliché' as it is, even if it's for a second, a few minutes, just to make them smile or to let them know they're not the only one out the who feels the way they do, that's good enough for me.

All I've ever wanted to do in life, besides be a wife & a parent, is to make a difference, and it's only been recently that I realized I don't have to touch hundreds, thousands or even hundreds of thousands of people's lives to make a difference. Making a difference isn't about numbers. It's about the people you touch & the difference you make, no matter the size, because what may seem miniscule to you & me, may mean the world to someone else.

And with that, my dear readers, I bid you all a good day!!! It's almost 3am here & I begin house, dog & pool sitting in the morning. Plus, my mother & I may get to bring Beau, the 13 y/o Border Collie, who escaped Friday morning & had a heat stroke, home from the vet & give him a bath... a job NO ONE wants.

Thank you all for reading, and feel free to contact me at any time.


Ciao!!!

5 Quotes to Open Your Heart (Oprah.com)

It's been a really STRANGE week... to say the least, so I'm going to go with something simple, and post 5 quotes from Oprah that can be found on her website along with many other great "self-help" information. This one happens to be called "5 Quotes to Open Your Heart". Can you imagine why I named this post the same?


5 Quotes to Open Your Heart




"Those who are willing to be vulnerable, move among mysteries."
~ Theodore Roethke

"Every beginning, after all, is nothing but a sequel, and the book of events is always open in the middle."
~ Wislawa Szymborska

"Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."
~ Rumi

"Behind all this, some great happiness is hiding."
~ Yehuda Amichai

"If you hear a voice within you say, 'You are not a painter,' then by all means paint…and that voice will be silenced."
~ Vincent Van Gogh

Steve Nakamoto

Steve Nakamoto is an author who has written several books about relationships. The most well-known one being, Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man. As I was looking for a book on Amazon, through a series of clicks on different subjects, I got to another of his books and then to his blog. Low and behold, what was the lastest post entitled?

WHY DO MEN LIE TO WOMEN???

You could have knocked me over with a feather. So, since I like to share little pieces of knowledge, I'm going to pass this along. It's quite interesting, and I think it makes A LOT of sense once you think about it... and I'm on Lortab feeling a little "floaty". haha



WHY DO MEN LIE TO WOMEN?

9:22 AM PDT, April 20, 2009, updated at 4:34 PM PDT, June 3, 2009

I read a lot of stories from disgruntled women on my Ask Mr. Answer Man message board about men who lie and destroy the trust in their relationships. I don t defend men for behavior that is detrimental to building honesty and love. But I do think that it is useful to give women some perspectives on how they can understand men better.

The following reasons are why men choose to lie instead of telling the truth to women. My hope is that you will come to understand men better and lay down the groundwork for a more honest and trustworthy love relationship in the future.


1. SOME MEN DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH LYING:
This means that some guys are just liars and that s what they do best. Evidently, these men don t see how a lack of trust will undermine any love relationship. But since they ve never examined the issue, they will continue to lie because it has helped them achieve their short-term objectives in the past.

2. WHAT THEY LIE ABOUT IS NOT IMPORTANT:
Sometimes, a guy will slip and say something that isn t totally true because it is not very important to them. If the thing they are lying about is of little consequence to them, then what s the big deal? It s part of the freedom of doing and saying whatever they want, whenever they want.

3. SHE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND AND WOULD MOST LIKELY MAKE IT WORSE:
This is probably the biggest reason why men lie. By telling the truth, their fear is that the woman will evaluate solely from her point-of-view and not consider his side of the story. Rather than deal with this situation, a guy will often tell what he sees as a little white lie in order to avoid setting off a chain-reaction of other unwanted emotions in the woman. However, this also becomes a convenient excuse for men that justifies their negative actions and minimizes the wrong of lying.

4. SHE REALLY CAN'T HANDLE IF HE TELLS HER THE TRUTH:
Along the same lines, the man may have a conviction that the woman cannot manage her upsets. If he lives with that woman, then it makes life at home totally miserable. If the relationship is already unstable, this added upset may lead to complete chaos.

5. IT'S BETTER TO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL:
A lot of men see that lying by omission is a less offensive way of avoiding the truth. If the subject is not brought up at all or stonewalled immediately, then maybe the issue will go away or be dealt with when the reference is outdated and emotions have simmered down.

6. MEN WILL LIE NOW AND HOPE THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE LATER:
Lying is often a short-term solution to avoiding confrontation. Some men feel that a little bit of lying now will avoid that confrontation and that maybe things will change in the future and this will all become a non-issue to the woman. In addition, lying is a selfish way to protecting the liar without considering the other person s best interests.

7. SOME GUYS LIE BECAUSE THE TRUTH ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH:
In the effort to impress a woman and show a proud front, a man will often exaggerate, distort, or delete certain truths. That s because the truth about them may not be good enough in the man s opinion to hold the attention/affection of the woman in a competitive dating world. Once this pattern is established, a man may continue until his lies are discovered.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Lying destroys trust in a relationship. And a lack of trust can ruin even the most promising love affairs. The best you can do is make trust the higher priority and demonstrate that honesty and caring can go together when both men and women approach their challenges with emotional maturity.



I really hope I will feel up to making a reply post about all of this tomorrow, because if there's one thing I CANNOT stand, it's lying. As Nakamoto says here, "Lying destroys trust in a relationship," and I just don't see ANY need for it at all. Everything listed here is an excuse, and it's nothing but weakness and a bit cowardous, if you ask me. Besides all of that, lies hurt, and really... Do you want to hurt the person you love? Or, the one you care about? It just isn't acceptable behavior.

With that, I bid you all ado!!

QOTD

You did then what you knew how to do,
And when you knew better,
You did better.
~ Maya Angelou

This one really reminds me of my ex-husband, the true love of my life. I really like this, because I think that this is what most people really want, deep down inside.

QOTD

Things turn out the best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
~ John Wooden

WOW!!!

What a week!!! I feel like I just made that last post. It went by soooo fast. I've had 2 doctor's appointments, a baby has been born to the family, 4 other family birthdays took place and my cousin had surgery and has been staying with us since Wednesday.

I don't feel much like thinking anymore, so this is the quote for this weekend.


Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Awesome Advice

It's no secret that times have been pretty tough for me the past two years, and to be 100% honest, I've been hiding how bad it actually is. Tonight, I finally broke down, and it took a great friend, my ex-boyfriend, Andrew, to allow me to feel comfortable enough to feel like I could "go there".

Then, when I logged onto the computer to send him a "Thank You" e-card, I had an email titled "Awesome Advice" from one of my best friends, Ami. It couldn't have been timed any better. I beg anyone to try to convince me there's no God.

So, without further ado, I will share the list of "Awesome Advice" with you. **I'm also going to leave the verbage that makes it email specific in the event anyone wants to pass it along to any of their loved ones.

Le chaim!!!


An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say “No” to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and un-clutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the KID in YOU every day.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19 Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus.'
27. Laugh!
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself .
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people… they probably need it the most.
32. Sit on your ego.
33 Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.

'If God is for us, who can be against us?'

(Romans 8:31)


My instructions were to send this to four people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. I decided to send it to more than four, because I didn't want to limit blessings.

SEND IT FORWARD PLEASE,

Not backward!

QOTD

When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: You haven't.
~ Thomas Edison

45 Life Lessons

I know I've posted this before, but I really really like the list, so I wanted to share it again. I'm particularly fond of #26. Oh, how I wish I would have done that on October August 8, 2008. I just sent this to a "friend" who is having a hard time. I'm also trying to figure out a way to turn it into some kind of plaque or framed gift that is appealing to the eye, but it's so long that I've drawn a blank. Usually these kinds of things just come to me, so I'll have to stick it in the back of my mental Rolodex and wait for it to "come back to me."


45 Life Lessons

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step .
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years time, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29 What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles .
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

It's a BOY!!!!

Yesterday my brother and sister-in-law found out their baby is a boy. Granted, I've been telling them this since Leah found out she was pregnant, but no one ever believes me. It's been that way for as long as I can remember... But, I digress.

All I can say is that this is going to be one spoiled child. My dad is still talking about things my brother did in games from kindergarten through high school, so you know this little guy will be such a pride for him. He already loves babies as it is. And if it's a boy... Oh my!!!

So, on that note, I leave you with this quote I sent to my sister-in-law last week.


A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.
~ Anonymous

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11


Times have been REALLY hard the past 2 1/2 years, and an old, old, old friend and ex-boyfriend sent that Bible verse to me to "keep me in check," if you will. It's something I "know", but something I tend to forget at times. Luckily, I have been trying to keep it in mind lately. Have you?

Love Quotes

I just happened upon these two quotes, and I wanted to share them.


We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
~ Anonymous

Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
~ Anonymous

BOTH of these couldn't remind me more of my ex-husband.

QOTD

I don't think I'll be able to post for the next couple of days, because I'm getting to go out of town for a family reunion!!! YES, the block worked!!! I'm so excited!!!

So, I'll post some positive quotes for while I'm gone... "just in case" anyone needs it.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
~ Dr. Seuss

It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into the giving.
~ Mother Theresa


Although I've heard both of these before, and REALLY like them, I got them in emails this week from a new quote site I found called, simply "Positive Attitude Quotes". You can sign up to have them emailed to you every day of the week, and it's a great way to start the day.

American Idol Finale

I'm still in a lot of pain from the “block” so I just want to say something quick. As much as I ADORE Adam Lambert and am convinced we are related, I can totally agree with, and see why, Kris won. I've heard so many people say negative things about Adam. A LOT of people, especially in America, don't like people who are “different”, as much as we'd like to say differently. Plus, the fact of the matter is that the majority of people who watch AI aren't artists. They vote based by whether or not they like the person, rather the way they're portrayed on the show, or how attractive they find them to be, and whether or not they like the song & how it sounds to them... overall.

One BIG difference I realized tonight between Adam & Kris is when they preform. Kris, like Kara said Tuesday, brings you in with his energy. Adam... That boy puts on a show!!!

This was my first season of AI, and WOW!!! Next... “So You Think You Can Dance”.

QOTD

When you are grateful -- when you can see what you have -- you unlock blessings to flow in your life.

~ Suze Orman

MY fave speedskating photos

I don't know how many people read this post, but after I made it and slept on it, I decided I needed to fix the photos without my real name on them to keep my anonymity. I know it may sound EXTREMELY paranoid to some, but some paranoia is waranted.

I LOVE blogging, and I have to do certain things in order to have my own little PEACEFUL space online.

Once I get them "fixed" I'll repost them.

Why do I love speedskating?

So often I am asked WHY I love speedskating so much. I'm just a woman from Texas who can hardly walk on dry, flat land without falling down. We have hardly any ice here, except in our DEEEEEEEEEEEEE-LICIOUS sweet tea, and you can bet NO ONE in my family supports this sport, but they aren't interested in most of what I do, so why should this be any different?

Unfortunately, since my bout with surgeries started two years ago, I haven't had much, if anything, to do with the sport, but when I did, I was happier than ever. Well, except when I was defending myself from psycho hanger-onners, whom I've never even seen in person, feel like calling me every name in the book, accusing me of committing all kinds of crimes I could never even imagine and breaking up my marriage. Other than that, I LOVED every minute of it. If I could, I would go back in a HEARTBEAT!!! And guess what? I can. It's just a matter of health and money. I've always said, "If I had enough money, I would start my own pro team." As it is, my first client, who retired after the 2007-2008 season due to injuries, just started a team, and I hear he's doing really well. And to be honest with you, with his talent and knowledge, it really would have been a waste for him NOT to do such a thing. I know I would have hired him if I had the money. But, I digress.

The following article is about a relative newcomer to the long track, Trevor Marcicano. After reading this article, I think it's clear WHY I love speedskating so much. It's not just the sport... It's the environment. But, to be honest, the more I learned about the sport, the more I grew to love it. You would never think, just watching them, how much it takes. It's so beautiful, really. The grace, coordination and stamina you have to have is unbelievable. After this I'll post some of my favorite pics I've taken from the last event I attended. I think I may even have a couple of Trevor from the Men's Team Pursuit.

Anyway, the article below is great, and I think it's more amazing that Trevor is willing to share is story of depression. As soon as I finish here I'm going to "shoot" him an email and tell him that I think so. It's a tough world out there, and in elite level sports, even Olympic Sports, it isn't always nice and pretty. Good for Trevor for being man enough to stand up and say, "Yes, I have this issue I deal with, but I don't let it define who I am. I can still do anything anyone else can do!" You have to respect such a young man for that. Trevor's DEFINITELY on my " To Watch List" in Vancouver.

An Oval of Refuge From a Cold World


New York Times / Published: May 16, 2009

This may be the last season of anonymity for the speedskater Trevor
Marsicano. This spring, he established himself as a contender for multiple
medals at the 2010 Olympics and as a challenger to Shani Davis, the top
United States star.

At the world single distances championships in March at the site where
speedskating will be held at next year's Vancouver Olympics, Marsicano, less
than a month before his 20th birthday, won a medal in all four of his
events, claiming gold in the 1,000 meters. Earlier, at the World Cup finals
in Salt Lake City, he had his three best times and became the first man to
break 1 minute 7 seconds in the 1,000.

After he clocked 1:06.88, the crowd applauded Marsicano during his cool-down
laps as his stunned parents, Linda and Randy, watched.

"To see people who don't even know him embracing him and accepting him - you
can't describe what that did for our hearts," Linda Marsicano said, her
voice breaking. "Because if you knew where he came from and the cruelty he
went through."

Seven years ago, Marsicano was a shy seventh grader who was taking
medication for depression and was being bullied by classmates.

"It was constant harassment every day," he said. "I guess I was an easy
victim."

Marsicano said he was taunted for having a facial rash and extra-long
eyelashes.

On the third day of eighth grade, he said, he was jumped from behind after
standing up to a boy who had made some younger girls cry. Marsicano said no
one defended him.

"It just got worse and worse from that point on," he said.

"I had no confidence," Marsicano said. "I was scared of people for two or
three years. I didn't talk to anybody but my family, and even then, there
was not a lot to say. I was overdosing on depression medication. At the end
of eighth grade, I said: I don't want to go back to school. I don't want to
live anymore."

His parents chose home-schooling, and he quit playing ice hockey to focus on
speedskating.

The first time she watched him working out at the oval, Linda Marsicano
said, she thought he would be bored. But speedskating allowed him to take
the advice of a trainer he had worked with since he was a scrawny
12-year-old trying to beef up - surround yourself with positive people.

The rink was filled with them. When Paul Marchese, his coach, told Marsicano
his talent and persistence could make him an Olympic-caliber skater,
Marsicano was speechless.

"I never had anybody take such interest," he said.

His fellow skaters were different, too.

"I wasn't being belittled or picked on," Marsicano said. "If I was having a
hard time skating, people would try to help. That was the first time I felt
comfortable in a group like that."

The sport was also empowering.

"When I skated, I could forget about everything," he said. "For one moment,
I was in control of everything around me. I started to get my confidence
back."

But during a short-track race in December 2004, a competitor slipped, spun
out and sliced Marsicano's thigh to the bone.

"The pain was excruciating, but I got lucky," he said.

His artery was bruised, not severed. He learned to walk again, yet the scar
reminds him "if anything happens I know I can come out of it." Physically,
anyway.

Marsicano competed in the Olympic short-track trials in 2005, and placed
12th.

In 2007, on a whim, he tried to make the long-track team for the junior
world championships. He not only made it, he won the 3,000-meter race and
captured the overall bronze medal.

"I had a really good training base beneath me from short track," Marsicano
said. "I was really mentally, emotionally, and spiritually strong."

Marchese said: "He's probably one of the most focused individuals I know. He
skates with intensity and ferocity in a middle distance that requires an
iron will."

Still, depression is a chronic battle.

"I can tell I'm starting to go down when I start to dread training, get
lazy, or when my emotions start to run me," he said. "It can be scary.
You've got to really monitor it and don't let yourself continue to fall."

He said that he was not on medication and that he could buoy himself with a
positive movie, a nap, a telephone call or physical activity if he caught
the symptoms early. Marsicano is home in upstate New York, trying to figure
out what to do with all his energy in the off-season.

"You get done with such a high, then go through a period where you're not
really training," he said. "I'm driving my parents nuts."

He has not yet had to figure out how to cope with losing on the oval.

"I haven't gotten to the point of a big defeat," he said, but his past has
steeled him for survival. "Every hardship you get through gives you an extra
plate of armor."

Another invasive procedure & Health Care

Hey guys. I'm so sorry I've been lagging and haven't posted for a week. I can't even begin to tell you how difficult this week has been. The pain I experienced on Monday was worse than BEFORE I had my gallbladder removed, and it didn't get much better for the rest of the week. However, there is good news.

I had my follow up appointment with the pain management doctor on Wednesday, and I have a Celiac Plexus Block scheduled for Tuesday. IF this works, it will be a new lease on life for me, and I cannot wait.

Let me be clear, though, for anyone reading the link I provided. I DO NOT HAVE CANCER!!! That is just one of the most common reasons for using this procedure. What I have is... well, there's a bit of a disagreement about that.

I believe I have left over "sludge", aka bile and other "stuff" from when I had my gall bladder removed on Jan 30 of this year, but the FOUR doctors I have seen before the pain management doctor seem to disagree and keep telling me "it's probably a pulled muscle in the lumbar area". That's all fine and dandy, EXCEPT the pain I have is the EXACT SAME, STEREOTYPICAL GALLBLADDER PAIN which presents under my ribs on the right side and radiates straight to the back under my right shoulder blade. How can that be a pulled muscle for over a year? And, that isn't my lumbar area.

I've had all the tests, except the one that will verify this FOR SURE, but no gastro-interologist will do it, because of the posibility of pancreatitis. Of course, I probably have that now after having to wait so long without anything being done. In addition, all of the research I've done shows that the CTs, MRCPs, blood tests, ultrasounds, liver enzyme tests and all the other tests the docs throw at you and rely on so heavily don't necessarily mean a thing. This stuff isn't always detected through the "conventional" tests, and there are people who have lived with this for years on end. I've found people who have lived with it anywhere from 5 years upwards of 18+ years. I can't even imagine... it's only been 3 1/2 months for me, and I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down.

In telling my story to an old friend I hadn't seen in about 10 years, I found out he had also been through the same thing. He had all the test, was told all the same things, pushed away by all the specialists and ONLY after his FIFTH ER visit, after the dr noticed the whites of eyes being jaundiced did someone actually take action. Sure enough, he had the "left overs", and it took a short laproscopic procedure to go in and remove it. Besides the liver and pancreatic damage that is healing, he feels fine, but NO ONE would listen to him, and apparently, this is a VERY common thing.

So, although I consider myself blessed, in MANY WAYS, I find it horrifying that in a country like the US that boasts about how great our privatized health care is, we have to go through this. I have private insurance, and I actually had TWO up until I lost my job, WITH AN INSURANCE COMPANY, due to this "illness", yet I have to keep paying doctors to not listen to me. One of them I actually didn't see after I had an endo & colonoscopy with abnormal results at the time of scope. And when I called her THREE DAYS IN A ROW due to pain, I NEVER heard from her. Then, when her office called me to tell me the biopsies were OK, but "something inaudible" they did make an appointment for me that day. I wound up curled up in the exam room in the fetal position for two hours without anyone ever checking on me, and when I got the energy to ask when the doctor would be in, they couldn't tell me and acted as if I were crazy for even asking. Needless to say, I was a bit upset, told them so, left, and I NEVER saw the doctor, and have yet to get an apology, but apparently that's how her office "works". I'm still waiting for a bill, so I can send her one, as well... for MY TIME, just to see how she likes it. (hahaha)

What was I saying? Ahhhhh, yes. The wonderful privatized health care we have. Don't get me wrong. I do realize how it could be MUCH MUCH MUCH worse, but WHY don't we strive for the BEST???

More to come on Better Health Care later....

To All the Mommies

I got this from my friend, Christine.

To All the Mommies


Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes
to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much…
Before I was a Mom.

Good News for Don Ayala

It's good news for the Ayala family. Don Ayala was sentenced to 5 years probation today.

"The acts that were done in front of this defendant would provide provocation for anyone” who witnessed the scene, Hilton said. “This occurred in a hostile area, maybe not in the middle of a battlefield, but certainly in the middle of a war.”

Below are links to several articles about the trial/sentencing.

Freedom for US contractor Don Ayala who shot dead handcuffed Taleban killer

Contractor gets probation for killing prisoner

USA v Don Ayala: HTS Management, Army Leadership on Trial Too

Paula Loyd, Don Ayala and Abdul Salam

On November 4, 2008 a woman who I played tennis with in the 7th grade was innocently doing her job as anthropologist in Afghanistan for HTS (Human Terrain System). She was interviewing people in the market when the man she was speaking to about the prices of gas doused her with gasoline and set her on fire. Upon hearing news that Loyd was dead, a long time friend, Don Ayala, a military contractor with the department of defense went to the area where the man, Abdul Salam, was being held after being arrested by other military officials. Don Ayala put a service revolver to Salam’s head and pulled the trigger. Ayala was then taken into custody and found out his long time friend was not dead, but he had just killed the man he thought had killed her.

Unfortunately, on January 7, 2009 after a long fought, 2 month battle, Paula lost her life.

Although it’s been years since I’ve known her, the things people say about her are the same things I remember about the 13 year old girl on my tennis team. She always had a smile on her face, was as smart as anyone could imagine and always there to help ANYONE. She even looks the same. There’s NO WAY I would believe she’s my same age if I saw her today, and there’s NO WAY to not know it was her. She hasn’t changed a bit.

Don Ayala was charged with murder once back in the US. He was then released on bail, and has sense pled guilty to voluntary manslaughter. Tomorrow, May 8 is supposed to be his sentencing date. His family and friends, along with Paula’s family and friends have made pleas to the court for leniency.

For a VERY fact based article about this case, you can go here.

In closing, I want to say this: I know not everyone may agree about what should happen to Don Ayala, but I think we can all agree that the judge sentence him to what is fair and reasonable for what has happened. In the end, no matter what his sentence, even if he is given probation, no one wins. Two lives are lost, and he will have to live with what he did for the rest of his life.

*** There was A LOT more I wanted to write about Paula and what an amazing woman she was, but it’s such an emotional issue, and I didn’t realize how hard that might be when I started. Hopefully, I can get to it… one day!!!