QOTD

When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: You haven't.
~ Thomas Edison

45 Life Lessons

I know I've posted this before, but I really really like the list, so I wanted to share it again. I'm particularly fond of #26. Oh, how I wish I would have done that on October August 8, 2008. I just sent this to a "friend" who is having a hard time. I'm also trying to figure out a way to turn it into some kind of plaque or framed gift that is appealing to the eye, but it's so long that I've drawn a blank. Usually these kinds of things just come to me, so I'll have to stick it in the back of my mental Rolodex and wait for it to "come back to me."


45 Life Lessons

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step .
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years time, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29 What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles .
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

It's a BOY!!!!

Yesterday my brother and sister-in-law found out their baby is a boy. Granted, I've been telling them this since Leah found out she was pregnant, but no one ever believes me. It's been that way for as long as I can remember... But, I digress.

All I can say is that this is going to be one spoiled child. My dad is still talking about things my brother did in games from kindergarten through high school, so you know this little guy will be such a pride for him. He already loves babies as it is. And if it's a boy... Oh my!!!

So, on that note, I leave you with this quote I sent to my sister-in-law last week.


A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.
~ Anonymous

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11


Times have been REALLY hard the past 2 1/2 years, and an old, old, old friend and ex-boyfriend sent that Bible verse to me to "keep me in check," if you will. It's something I "know", but something I tend to forget at times. Luckily, I have been trying to keep it in mind lately. Have you?

Love Quotes

I just happened upon these two quotes, and I wanted to share them.


We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
~ Anonymous

Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
~ Anonymous

BOTH of these couldn't remind me more of my ex-husband.

QOTD

I don't think I'll be able to post for the next couple of days, because I'm getting to go out of town for a family reunion!!! YES, the block worked!!! I'm so excited!!!

So, I'll post some positive quotes for while I'm gone... "just in case" anyone needs it.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
~ Dr. Seuss

It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into the giving.
~ Mother Theresa


Although I've heard both of these before, and REALLY like them, I got them in emails this week from a new quote site I found called, simply "Positive Attitude Quotes". You can sign up to have them emailed to you every day of the week, and it's a great way to start the day.

American Idol Finale

I'm still in a lot of pain from the “block” so I just want to say something quick. As much as I ADORE Adam Lambert and am convinced we are related, I can totally agree with, and see why, Kris won. I've heard so many people say negative things about Adam. A LOT of people, especially in America, don't like people who are “different”, as much as we'd like to say differently. Plus, the fact of the matter is that the majority of people who watch AI aren't artists. They vote based by whether or not they like the person, rather the way they're portrayed on the show, or how attractive they find them to be, and whether or not they like the song & how it sounds to them... overall.

One BIG difference I realized tonight between Adam & Kris is when they preform. Kris, like Kara said Tuesday, brings you in with his energy. Adam... That boy puts on a show!!!

This was my first season of AI, and WOW!!! Next... “So You Think You Can Dance”.

QOTD

When you are grateful -- when you can see what you have -- you unlock blessings to flow in your life.

~ Suze Orman

MY fave speedskating photos

I don't know how many people read this post, but after I made it and slept on it, I decided I needed to fix the photos without my real name on them to keep my anonymity. I know it may sound EXTREMELY paranoid to some, but some paranoia is waranted.

I LOVE blogging, and I have to do certain things in order to have my own little PEACEFUL space online.

Once I get them "fixed" I'll repost them.

Why do I love speedskating?

So often I am asked WHY I love speedskating so much. I'm just a woman from Texas who can hardly walk on dry, flat land without falling down. We have hardly any ice here, except in our DEEEEEEEEEEEEE-LICIOUS sweet tea, and you can bet NO ONE in my family supports this sport, but they aren't interested in most of what I do, so why should this be any different?

Unfortunately, since my bout with surgeries started two years ago, I haven't had much, if anything, to do with the sport, but when I did, I was happier than ever. Well, except when I was defending myself from psycho hanger-onners, whom I've never even seen in person, feel like calling me every name in the book, accusing me of committing all kinds of crimes I could never even imagine and breaking up my marriage. Other than that, I LOVED every minute of it. If I could, I would go back in a HEARTBEAT!!! And guess what? I can. It's just a matter of health and money. I've always said, "If I had enough money, I would start my own pro team." As it is, my first client, who retired after the 2007-2008 season due to injuries, just started a team, and I hear he's doing really well. And to be honest with you, with his talent and knowledge, it really would have been a waste for him NOT to do such a thing. I know I would have hired him if I had the money. But, I digress.

The following article is about a relative newcomer to the long track, Trevor Marcicano. After reading this article, I think it's clear WHY I love speedskating so much. It's not just the sport... It's the environment. But, to be honest, the more I learned about the sport, the more I grew to love it. You would never think, just watching them, how much it takes. It's so beautiful, really. The grace, coordination and stamina you have to have is unbelievable. After this I'll post some of my favorite pics I've taken from the last event I attended. I think I may even have a couple of Trevor from the Men's Team Pursuit.

Anyway, the article below is great, and I think it's more amazing that Trevor is willing to share is story of depression. As soon as I finish here I'm going to "shoot" him an email and tell him that I think so. It's a tough world out there, and in elite level sports, even Olympic Sports, it isn't always nice and pretty. Good for Trevor for being man enough to stand up and say, "Yes, I have this issue I deal with, but I don't let it define who I am. I can still do anything anyone else can do!" You have to respect such a young man for that. Trevor's DEFINITELY on my " To Watch List" in Vancouver.

An Oval of Refuge From a Cold World


New York Times / Published: May 16, 2009

This may be the last season of anonymity for the speedskater Trevor
Marsicano. This spring, he established himself as a contender for multiple
medals at the 2010 Olympics and as a challenger to Shani Davis, the top
United States star.

At the world single distances championships in March at the site where
speedskating will be held at next year's Vancouver Olympics, Marsicano, less
than a month before his 20th birthday, won a medal in all four of his
events, claiming gold in the 1,000 meters. Earlier, at the World Cup finals
in Salt Lake City, he had his three best times and became the first man to
break 1 minute 7 seconds in the 1,000.

After he clocked 1:06.88, the crowd applauded Marsicano during his cool-down
laps as his stunned parents, Linda and Randy, watched.

"To see people who don't even know him embracing him and accepting him - you
can't describe what that did for our hearts," Linda Marsicano said, her
voice breaking. "Because if you knew where he came from and the cruelty he
went through."

Seven years ago, Marsicano was a shy seventh grader who was taking
medication for depression and was being bullied by classmates.

"It was constant harassment every day," he said. "I guess I was an easy
victim."

Marsicano said he was taunted for having a facial rash and extra-long
eyelashes.

On the third day of eighth grade, he said, he was jumped from behind after
standing up to a boy who had made some younger girls cry. Marsicano said no
one defended him.

"It just got worse and worse from that point on," he said.

"I had no confidence," Marsicano said. "I was scared of people for two or
three years. I didn't talk to anybody but my family, and even then, there
was not a lot to say. I was overdosing on depression medication. At the end
of eighth grade, I said: I don't want to go back to school. I don't want to
live anymore."

His parents chose home-schooling, and he quit playing ice hockey to focus on
speedskating.

The first time she watched him working out at the oval, Linda Marsicano
said, she thought he would be bored. But speedskating allowed him to take
the advice of a trainer he had worked with since he was a scrawny
12-year-old trying to beef up - surround yourself with positive people.

The rink was filled with them. When Paul Marchese, his coach, told Marsicano
his talent and persistence could make him an Olympic-caliber skater,
Marsicano was speechless.

"I never had anybody take such interest," he said.

His fellow skaters were different, too.

"I wasn't being belittled or picked on," Marsicano said. "If I was having a
hard time skating, people would try to help. That was the first time I felt
comfortable in a group like that."

The sport was also empowering.

"When I skated, I could forget about everything," he said. "For one moment,
I was in control of everything around me. I started to get my confidence
back."

But during a short-track race in December 2004, a competitor slipped, spun
out and sliced Marsicano's thigh to the bone.

"The pain was excruciating, but I got lucky," he said.

His artery was bruised, not severed. He learned to walk again, yet the scar
reminds him "if anything happens I know I can come out of it." Physically,
anyway.

Marsicano competed in the Olympic short-track trials in 2005, and placed
12th.

In 2007, on a whim, he tried to make the long-track team for the junior
world championships. He not only made it, he won the 3,000-meter race and
captured the overall bronze medal.

"I had a really good training base beneath me from short track," Marsicano
said. "I was really mentally, emotionally, and spiritually strong."

Marchese said: "He's probably one of the most focused individuals I know. He
skates with intensity and ferocity in a middle distance that requires an
iron will."

Still, depression is a chronic battle.

"I can tell I'm starting to go down when I start to dread training, get
lazy, or when my emotions start to run me," he said. "It can be scary.
You've got to really monitor it and don't let yourself continue to fall."

He said that he was not on medication and that he could buoy himself with a
positive movie, a nap, a telephone call or physical activity if he caught
the symptoms early. Marsicano is home in upstate New York, trying to figure
out what to do with all his energy in the off-season.

"You get done with such a high, then go through a period where you're not
really training," he said. "I'm driving my parents nuts."

He has not yet had to figure out how to cope with losing on the oval.

"I haven't gotten to the point of a big defeat," he said, but his past has
steeled him for survival. "Every hardship you get through gives you an extra
plate of armor."

Another invasive procedure & Health Care

Hey guys. I'm so sorry I've been lagging and haven't posted for a week. I can't even begin to tell you how difficult this week has been. The pain I experienced on Monday was worse than BEFORE I had my gallbladder removed, and it didn't get much better for the rest of the week. However, there is good news.

I had my follow up appointment with the pain management doctor on Wednesday, and I have a Celiac Plexus Block scheduled for Tuesday. IF this works, it will be a new lease on life for me, and I cannot wait.

Let me be clear, though, for anyone reading the link I provided. I DO NOT HAVE CANCER!!! That is just one of the most common reasons for using this procedure. What I have is... well, there's a bit of a disagreement about that.

I believe I have left over "sludge", aka bile and other "stuff" from when I had my gall bladder removed on Jan 30 of this year, but the FOUR doctors I have seen before the pain management doctor seem to disagree and keep telling me "it's probably a pulled muscle in the lumbar area". That's all fine and dandy, EXCEPT the pain I have is the EXACT SAME, STEREOTYPICAL GALLBLADDER PAIN which presents under my ribs on the right side and radiates straight to the back under my right shoulder blade. How can that be a pulled muscle for over a year? And, that isn't my lumbar area.

I've had all the tests, except the one that will verify this FOR SURE, but no gastro-interologist will do it, because of the posibility of pancreatitis. Of course, I probably have that now after having to wait so long without anything being done. In addition, all of the research I've done shows that the CTs, MRCPs, blood tests, ultrasounds, liver enzyme tests and all the other tests the docs throw at you and rely on so heavily don't necessarily mean a thing. This stuff isn't always detected through the "conventional" tests, and there are people who have lived with this for years on end. I've found people who have lived with it anywhere from 5 years upwards of 18+ years. I can't even imagine... it's only been 3 1/2 months for me, and I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down.

In telling my story to an old friend I hadn't seen in about 10 years, I found out he had also been through the same thing. He had all the test, was told all the same things, pushed away by all the specialists and ONLY after his FIFTH ER visit, after the dr noticed the whites of eyes being jaundiced did someone actually take action. Sure enough, he had the "left overs", and it took a short laproscopic procedure to go in and remove it. Besides the liver and pancreatic damage that is healing, he feels fine, but NO ONE would listen to him, and apparently, this is a VERY common thing.

So, although I consider myself blessed, in MANY WAYS, I find it horrifying that in a country like the US that boasts about how great our privatized health care is, we have to go through this. I have private insurance, and I actually had TWO up until I lost my job, WITH AN INSURANCE COMPANY, due to this "illness", yet I have to keep paying doctors to not listen to me. One of them I actually didn't see after I had an endo & colonoscopy with abnormal results at the time of scope. And when I called her THREE DAYS IN A ROW due to pain, I NEVER heard from her. Then, when her office called me to tell me the biopsies were OK, but "something inaudible" they did make an appointment for me that day. I wound up curled up in the exam room in the fetal position for two hours without anyone ever checking on me, and when I got the energy to ask when the doctor would be in, they couldn't tell me and acted as if I were crazy for even asking. Needless to say, I was a bit upset, told them so, left, and I NEVER saw the doctor, and have yet to get an apology, but apparently that's how her office "works". I'm still waiting for a bill, so I can send her one, as well... for MY TIME, just to see how she likes it. (hahaha)

What was I saying? Ahhhhh, yes. The wonderful privatized health care we have. Don't get me wrong. I do realize how it could be MUCH MUCH MUCH worse, but WHY don't we strive for the BEST???

More to come on Better Health Care later....

To All the Mommies

I got this from my friend, Christine.

To All the Mommies


Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes
to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much…
Before I was a Mom.

Good News for Don Ayala

It's good news for the Ayala family. Don Ayala was sentenced to 5 years probation today.

"The acts that were done in front of this defendant would provide provocation for anyone” who witnessed the scene, Hilton said. “This occurred in a hostile area, maybe not in the middle of a battlefield, but certainly in the middle of a war.”

Below are links to several articles about the trial/sentencing.

Freedom for US contractor Don Ayala who shot dead handcuffed Taleban killer

Contractor gets probation for killing prisoner

USA v Don Ayala: HTS Management, Army Leadership on Trial Too

Paula Loyd, Don Ayala and Abdul Salam

On November 4, 2008 a woman who I played tennis with in the 7th grade was innocently doing her job as anthropologist in Afghanistan for HTS (Human Terrain System). She was interviewing people in the market when the man she was speaking to about the prices of gas doused her with gasoline and set her on fire. Upon hearing news that Loyd was dead, a long time friend, Don Ayala, a military contractor with the department of defense went to the area where the man, Abdul Salam, was being held after being arrested by other military officials. Don Ayala put a service revolver to Salam’s head and pulled the trigger. Ayala was then taken into custody and found out his long time friend was not dead, but he had just killed the man he thought had killed her.

Unfortunately, on January 7, 2009 after a long fought, 2 month battle, Paula lost her life.

Although it’s been years since I’ve known her, the things people say about her are the same things I remember about the 13 year old girl on my tennis team. She always had a smile on her face, was as smart as anyone could imagine and always there to help ANYONE. She even looks the same. There’s NO WAY I would believe she’s my same age if I saw her today, and there’s NO WAY to not know it was her. She hasn’t changed a bit.

Don Ayala was charged with murder once back in the US. He was then released on bail, and has sense pled guilty to voluntary manslaughter. Tomorrow, May 8 is supposed to be his sentencing date. His family and friends, along with Paula’s family and friends have made pleas to the court for leniency.

For a VERY fact based article about this case, you can go here.

In closing, I want to say this: I know not everyone may agree about what should happen to Don Ayala, but I think we can all agree that the judge sentence him to what is fair and reasonable for what has happened. In the end, no matter what his sentence, even if he is given probation, no one wins. Two lives are lost, and he will have to live with what he did for the rest of his life.

*** There was A LOT more I wanted to write about Paula and what an amazing woman she was, but it’s such an emotional issue, and I didn’t realize how hard that might be when I started. Hopefully, I can get to it… one day!!!

QOTD

Without heroes, we are all plain people and don't know how far we can go.
~Bernard Malamud

I picked this quote based on my next post. Today is a big day in my life, because of what tomorrow means for someone I don't know, have never met, and probably never will, but who has made a HUGE impact on my life since November 4, 2008. And no, I don't mean President Obama. I mean Don Michael Ayala. Stay tuned!!!

QOTD

Here's another one from W.A.W.

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.
~ William Arthur Ward

For the record, I'm a little upset with America AND the judges on ANTM. I don't think Allison, Lil Kim or Celia should have been eliminated this week. I know there's NOTHING the people who make the shows, AI and DWTS, can do about the call in vote, BUT Tyra claims to have made ANTM to change the stereotypical model and the way the modelling world picks models. Then, what does she do to Celia, who CLEARLY has it all? She eliminates her over Amena, who's been in the bottom two.... how many times, and couldn't get her head and body together if her life depended on it? She should have been gone a LONG TIME AGO, if you ask me. "Being a model is about more than just a pretty face," is what Tyra always says, yet that's all Amena has been. Someone's been playing favorites for quite a while now!!!!

QOTD - Monday and today

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I can't believe I just did what I just finished writing an entire post about... and for a dumb, dumb, dumb ASS reason!!!!

To make a long story short, because I don't have time to rewrite the whole thing, basically, I lost the whole blogpost I wrote to test the link I put in it. Can you say, "DING DONG"???

Since I lost yesterday's quote, here it is:

Discover yourself by knowing those things that move your heart to tears, those things that stir your compassion.
~ WD Favour

Today's quote is from one of my favorite authors, William Author Ward.

Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.
~William Arthur Ward


***maybe he should have added, "Before you leave, save."

QOTD

Falling in love is awfully simple, but falling out of love is simply awful.
~ Anonymous

I was sent this today on Twitter. I think it's awesome... and speaks LOUDLY as to what I've been going through for a while now.

QOTD

There’s no reason that the government should prevent homosexuals from entering civil marriages because some religions object to the concept, any more than the government should ban atheism because some religions object to it.
~ Lisa Pampuch, newspaper columnist

I can't sleep, as has been the norm for about the past week,so I logged onto the 'ol Crackberry & was looking around at quotes. I found the one above and thought it was great. I know A LOT of people won't like what I'm about to say next, but I think it's true, and I've never held my tongue before, so why start now?

One of the things I really like about this quote is that it shows the extreme hypocricy of a certain 'side'. 'They' want things to be one way for other people, yet, when it affects them, they want the rules changes. One of my favorite things to point out, or bring to people's attention is how the right wing, conservative party is always really quick to say, "The government has no right to tell me how many/what kinds of guns I can own & my money is none of their business, BUT they sure do want to tell a woman what she can do with her own body, and want to tell a huge group of our population that they can't be legally married. To me, there's NO DIFFERENCE. And if you want to tell me homosexuallity & abortion are sins, I have several questions for you?

1. Are you without sin?

2. Don't we have a separation of church & state in this country?

3. Since when is someone else's sins your business? Isn't that between he/she & God?


As you might be able to tell, I'm pretty passionate about this kind of stuff. If you feel like chiming in, feel free. You don't have to agree with me. Some of my best friends & I don't agree on big issues. You just have to be respectful, honest & open-minded to get along with me.



***As a 'qualifier, I just wanted to add that I am a heterosexual woman that would NEVER terminate a pregnancy for any reason other than, MAYBE, life or death, and then, I still don't know. I don't feel the way I do for personal gain & I don't believe abortion should be used as a form of birth control. I also believe that IF you really want to make a difference by protesting at abortion clinics, you should take these women in with love & compassion, try to understand them & help them instead of persecuting them, making them feel worse about their decision & spreading hate. Afterall, isn't that what Jesus would do?

And that's my 2 cents at 4:30am!!!

I'm on fire

The one that comes to mind is, most recently, when I sat in the doctor's office for TWO HOURS, 1 1/2 hours of which was in the exam room w/o anyone checking on me. It didn't help that this was 7 days after I'd had surgery, and I'd called the previous three days of the week complaining of excruciating pain and the doctor had not called me back once. When I FINALLY went out in the hall to ask if she was going to see me any time soon, I was treated as if I was asking too much & something were wrong with ME!!! Needless to say, I left after telling them how I felt about being treated like crap ever since I'd started seeing this doctor, which I had been warned about, but since my dad had never had this problem with the dr, I didn't listen.



Anyway, I was so angry that I started crying, and I NEVER heard a word from anyone in the doctor's office until it was time for my originally scheduled post-op visit 4 weeks out that I told them to cancel when I was telling them how upset I was, which tells me how well they were listening. By the way, when this was happening, I could barely stand up, and no responsible medical care provider should have let me leave there to drive myself, but not only did they do that, but they didn't say one word... not even, "We're sorry you feel that way," which I would have gotten had I complained at a McDonald's or Taco Bell, which are considered the "bottom of the barrell" when it comes to restaurants. Honestly, I can't believe this woman is allowed to practice medicine in the United States. I could have died in that exam room, and no one would have known for at least two hours, and no one in their office cared for a second about it. To me, that speaks mountains about how they feel about their patients, and when I was in EMT/Paramedic school, one of the first things they taught us was, "You ALWAYS treat your patients the way you would want your loved ones to be treated." If that they way these people care for their loved ones, I'd hate for them to love me, much less be "just another client who pays the bills".



As I was sitting in my car trying to calm down and talking to my mother I saw a big rock, about the size of a baseball, on the ground. It looked so tempting. I wondered, "If I get out my car and throw the rock through the window, will the doctor see me then?" As soon as the thought came, it left. That just isn't something I would do. Just thinking about doing something like that isn't something I do, so I guess it tells you how ON FIRED I was!!! I can even feel my blood pressure rising just a bit as I write this. ;)